By Lesley Arfin
FRIENDS CALL POISON CONTROL WHEN YOU OVERDOSE ON RED BULL
Let’s say you’re at a party, and the only free drinks are vodka and Red Bull, and you are currently on the wagon. So you proceed to drink Red Bull after Red Bull. By your sixth Red Bull, you start to believe that you are in fact, a red bull, so you go home and repeatedly ram your head into the wall. You start to panic when you can taste your heart beating. So you call your BFF and she races over at 4 a.m. with Xanax in hand. When you don’t calm down, she calls Poison Control, who tell her to take you to the hospital immediately. But you don’t want to go, so instead she rubs your back until you fall asleep, and then she quietly leaves. —-Now you know.
I can’t believe that was written 7 years ago, girl is timelesssssss